...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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