is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What a dumb baby whore.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
