Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
