Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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