Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
