Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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