He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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