where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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