I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
well, you know. whores of a feather.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
