I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
