he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
