hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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