oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
