Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
