He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
