The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
