He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
