On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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