Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize