The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
