We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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