WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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