i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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