sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
