When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize