they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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