We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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