U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
