can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
