i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
