I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize