i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
