Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
