I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
