a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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