my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
