just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
