So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
