Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
