Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
