I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
