I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
