She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
