I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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