Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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