Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
