i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
