when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
