It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
