U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
