Jerry, you need to find god
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
