I seem to have left my pride at pride
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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