bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
