Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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