glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
