I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
