yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
