I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
