I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
