I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
