one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
