yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
