If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
