Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
