nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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