I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
