ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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