Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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