hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
