I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You smell like a Billy Joel song
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
